1 year already

It's been one year today that my grandma died. I thought it would be easier to deal with by now, but it's not. Surprisingly, I'm having a harder time with it than my mom. Maybe it's because her dad died over 30 years ago and she has learned how to deal with it, or maybe she puts on a smile for me, I really don't know. I have mentioned this before, but I didn't get to go to her funeral because I was 6 days away from giving birth to Kamryn and not a day goes by that I don't regret my decision to stay home. I asked my mom to take pictures of my grandma in her casket so that I could have some sort of closure and it took me a few months to be able to look at them, but the closure I was after has yet to come. I know she is in a better place and it's selfish of me to want her here, but I miss her terribly. I miss her voice and her sense of humor and how her face would turn red when she would laugh really hard.
I am going to go to the Family History Library soon to get her temple work done for her. We actually have my grandpa's card on our fridge, but we were waiting to be able to do both of them at the same time. It sounds weird, but I felt like I would be separating them again after all these years so I wanted to do them together. Maybe getting my grandma's endowments for her will help with the closure aspect...