9 months

No, I'm not pregnant.
It's been 9 months since my grandma died. I haven't ever had someone close to me die and it's been really hard. You would think with the knowledge I have of the life after this one that it would be easier to deal with. She was 87 when she died and I know she is better off, especially being with my grandpa and her kids that died before her. But, I miss her terribly and I dream about her all the time. I think I still feel guilty that I wasn't able to go to her funeral because I was due to have Kamryn any day. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to give her one last kiss or hold her hand one more time. Guess I'll have to wait until it's my turn.